Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just had sex bonerless
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
