ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
