Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
