It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
