so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
