I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
