I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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