he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
