I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
