How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
