my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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