Soap is not a condiment
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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