It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize