hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
