home. puking in laundry basket.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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