i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
