do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
