Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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