Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
