cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
