I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
