Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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