even my farts smell like vagina
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
