"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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