I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
