So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize