I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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