So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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