Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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