just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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