I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
