Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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