Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
