I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
