oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
