is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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