Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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