why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
