Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
