I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
