Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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