I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
