Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Panties = found
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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