There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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