He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
