ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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