I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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