It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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