I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My bed smells like the plague
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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