The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
