I'm jealous of your bromance
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
