you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
