dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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