She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
