Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
