I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
