Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
