oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
