The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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