Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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