Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
