Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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