Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
