Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Everything about him screamed your future.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
