Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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