I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
