It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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