So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
