Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
