So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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