Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
