she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
