i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
