she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize