Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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