then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize