Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
