We got so high we made milksteak
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
