you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
