She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
