its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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