Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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