I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
