In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
