ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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