Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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