my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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