Michael Bay diarrhea
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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