I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
