omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She needs sedatives and a leash
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
